Tales of Saturday after noon

Matthias lies next to me taking a nap on this steamy Saturday afternoon. Outside it's hot and humid and it has rained and it has been sunny all through the course of a couple of hours. We pride ourselves of being on the run all the time, the incarnation of the "Carpe Diem" philosophy, mocking suburbians and their gardens. But today is a good day to stop. Drink some coffee, read a book or write some entry in an abandoned blog.
Today I dont feel like flying, I rather sit with a cat on my lap and the sunshine through the window.

No es derrota si el descanzo es voluntario; me duelen los meniscos del alma y tengo que sentarme a recobrar el aliento. Lo que se viene es tremendo!

La Vida al Rojo

Cuando dejare de echarle cabeza a los problemas por meses y meses y meses. Es mas facil decir las vainas de una y salir del embrollo con el corazon un poco enredado pero sin ninguna atadura. Ya van a ser 6 meses que hable con ella por ultima vez (lo que se dice realmente "hablar") y desde esa triste tarde la verdad que no me interesa continuar ningun tipo de relacion con ella. En algun momento idealice nuestra amistad como algo bien distinto, mi companiera de crimen, aun cuando fueramos muy distintas. Luego del la charla del otro dia, solamente quedo en evidencia lo distintas que somos. Me da mal genio no dar con alguien que este en el mismo sitio que yo. No estoy sola ni mucho menos, creo que nunca habia estado rodeada de tanta gente, y sin embargo el sentimiento de no pertenencia sigue alli, por que Alejandra sigue siendo "diferente". Me describen como "loud", "strong", "hard-headed", "outgoing" y ninguno de esos adjetivos me molestan... excepto por que es por esos mismos adjetivos que quedo aislada. Soy una isla de entusiasmo.
Pero no me puedo callar! No me voy a callar! Gritare desde mi isla hasta que me quede sin voz.

The Fog

What is it about America that numbs my brain so much? I just found an old notebook, the one Sonja gave me right before I left Germany the first time in 2003. In it i had written stories about my crazy everyday between visas, I wrote about my fears and the upcoming challenges, and was able to open my heart and pour it over its pages. I know for a fact that during that time I also painted and read much more than I do now and somehow my brain was in constant and productive movement.

Now, since I moved permanently to the States, the only thing that gets my noodle active is maybe politics, and not even in the same way it did back in my Xaverian days. If feel like drowning in a sea of overwhelming noise, too much information bombarded at me and since I cannot swim so well in it, I just stay at the shore or float in the shallow area. SHALLOW AREA!

I need to sink again a little!!! Desperation is sometimes needed to spice this bland chocolate flavored life!!!

Long time no see!

Wheeh, it's been over a year since I last wrote on the blog. Not because I didn't feel like it, but mostly because this year has been a blur of emotional ups and downs and I have not had a minute to sit down and stop for a moment.
Life in Texas seems to be in constant movement, even when day to day I feel more and more stuck to my office chair. I have met new people, drifted away from what I thought was my "texan family"; I filled some gaps in my life, and ditched new holes between me and others. Time never stops around me, it flows and it comes and it goes.
I need to write here as a catharsis but mostly as a rest stop.
I need to stop driving around to the next big thing. I need to sit down and process, collect my thoughts and discard what I dont need.

Life never stops surprising us... then again, it just never stops.